REST

Heather Newman
1 day ago
4 min read

Why don’t you just rest?”

Sounds simple right?

Rest is simple, but most of us are terrible at it because we’ve internalised the belief that it’s something we need to earn. If we stop, there’s often a narrative we tell ourselves that ‘we are lazy’, like we should be doing something more useful, more productive, more… worthy?! Quite often our bodies are tired, but our minds are still running a checklist at 100mph. So even when we lie down, we don’t really rest. We hover. True rest asks for something many of us aren’t comfortable giving to ourselves, which is permission to rest without conditions.

Resistance to rest is learned. We grow up observing that productivity is congratulated, and rest is for the weak. Somewhere along the line, rest can get tangled up with shame. It can carry messages like “push through” “keep going,” or “you haven’t done enough yet.” I would argue that it’s along the same lines of how far removed we all are from our bodies, because we live so much in our heads - I’m guilty of that big time!

For some of us, it runs even deeper, shaped by stress, survival, or periods in life where slowing down simply wasn’t safe or possible. The nervous system, which is wired for survival, adapts to that pace, and stopping can feel unfamiliar, even threatening.

The guilt that we can feel about rest often isn’t really about rest at all. It can often show up as our self worth, and how safe we feel to soften. When we begin to understand that, we can begin to shift our mindset from ‘I don’t deserve to rest because I haven’t done enough’ to ‘I deserve to rest - end of’. Rest stops being a reward at the end of exhaustion and becomes part of how we stay well in the first place.

Rest helps us to regulate. And learning to rest without guilt is less about forcing ourselves to relax, and more about gently unlearning the belief that we had to earn the right to in the first place.

Rest is biological. We need rest, just as much as we need air to breathe. Our nervous systems are constantly battling between activation and recovery, and without enough time in a recovery state, everything begins to fracture.

Most of us don’t notice the absence of rest straight away. It builds up quietly, as we continue on with our busy days and full schedules, until something starts to feel off. We’ve all had those moments, when we say to ourselves “I feel a bit meh but nothing is really wrong?”. We might not call it exhaustion at first, just a sense that things feel harder than they should, like we’re moving through mud. But, the body keeps track long before we do. When rest is missing, it doesn’t just affect one part of us. It influences how we think, how we feel, and how we move through the world. And because it can show up in subtle ways, it’s easy to overlook or push through. These signals aren’t random, they’re the body trying to communicate, in its own language, for a pause.

Different Ways A Lack Of Sleep Shows Up

Cognitively

Reduced focus and concentration
Foggy thinking or forgetfulness
More overthinking and indecision

Emotionally

Lower mood or flatness
Feeling easily overwhelmed
Irritability or a shorter fuse

Physically

Ongoing fatigue, even after sleep
Tension, headaches, or heaviness in the body
Getting run down more easily

Studies in Neuroscience

Studies in neuroscience show that when the brain is at rest, it’s not “doing nothing” at all. It’s consolidating memories, processing emotions, and restoring cognitive capacity. This is why when we do rest, we can often feel instantly better, more energised and therefore we are more productive.

Even in the animal world, energy is managed carefully. Lions spend up to 13 to 20 hours a day resting, not because they’re lazy, but because conserving energy is what allows them to be powerful and effective when it matters.

In Conclusion

Rest isn’t something we earn once everything is done. If we waited for that moment, we’d be waiting forever. It’s something our bodies require in order to keep showing up for us. We don’t become more worthy of rest by pushing ourselves to the edge. We become more resourced, more steady, more us, when we allow it in before we’re completely depleted.

A top tip - If you notice that familiar voice creeping in, the one that says “I haven’t done enough yet” or “I don’t deserve to stop”, meet it with something different, a reminder that you deserve to rest because you exist and you need to rest because you are human - make these your new mantra! Repeat them until you believe them in your bones. You’re not stepping away from your life when you rest, you’re making it sustainable.

And if it helps, start small. Sit down for a few minutes without reaching for your phone.

Let your body be still, even if your mind takes a little longer to follow.

That counts.

That is rest.

And the more you allow those moments in, the less you’ll feel like you have to earn them.