HOLDING

Heather Newman
Jun 8
5 min read

What it means to hold others?

What it means to be held?

And what happens when that’s been missing?

Holding Space

What does it mean to ‘hold space’?

You might have seen the interview with Cynthia Eviro is told that people were ‘holding space’ for the song Defying Gravity? If you haven’t then have a look below, it starts at 2:48. Ariana Granda, along with a lot of other people, were confused by what this meant. I anticipate what was meant in this context was that people were emotionally connecting to the song, giving it attention, reflecting on what it meant to them, and allowing it to have impact, rather than just consuming it casually.

In simple terms what she was saying was ‘people are really feeling this song, it matters to them’ just in a more flowery way! 😊

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEsW1KxgtEg

What ‘holding space’ means to me is pausing, listening, being still and being responsive. So I guess overall ‘holding space’ to me, means presence.

Holding Space For Others

Holding space for others isn’t about fixing, advising, or finding the right words. It’s about being fully present with someone, without judgment or urgency.

It isn’t passive though, it’s a very active act. We’re not just sitting there doing nothing. There’s a quiet attentiveness in it, a kind of steady presence that’s felt. It’s the ability to sit with someone in whatever they’re feeling, without trying to change it - which, if you’re like me, is super hard because we’re excited to share ALL the things that have helped us or to relate our own story (this is so very human by the way, there is nothing wrong with you if you do this).

But being able to hold space for another is to listen, without needing to respond straight away. It isn’t always easy, it is, like anything a muscle we have to work on!

The power of being able to hold space for others is a kind of presence creates a quiet sense of safety. It tells the other person, you don’t need to be anything other than what you are right now.

And from there, they begin to soften.

Emotional Containment

Holding someone emotionally doesn’t mean taking on their feelings or carrying them for them. It means staying grounded in yourself while allowing space for someone else’s experience. Not becoming overwhelmed by it, not shutting it down, but gently containing it. We all need a container to stay safe, because sometimes emotions can get too big for us.

There’s a steadiness to emotional containment.

A calmness.

It’s the difference between being pulled into the storm, and standing beside someone while they move through it. Holding someone's hand in the dark, without jumping to switch on a light. Listening to someone as they cry, letting their tears fall for as long as they need to, to without jumping immediately for a tissue.

How would it feel to not offer a tissue to someone as soon as they start crying? Uncomfortable? I get that, me too…but I wonder if the other person might read the tissue as ‘I need to be quiet’? -

Just a reflection.

Being Held

Being held is something many of us haven’t experienced as deeply as we might need. It’s never about someone rescuing you. It’s about feeling safe enough to be seen. To not have to explain everything. To not feel like you need to minimise, tidy up, or rush through what you’re feeling.

When we are truly held, the body often responds first. There’s a softening. A slowing down. A sense of I can let go, even just a little. It’s easy and doesn’t ever need discussion. And that can feel unfamiliar, especially if you’re used to being the one who holds everyone else.

We all need to be held by someone safe, we needed it as children and we need it as adults. We are never too old for a hug filled with the message “I’ve got you”. If you have even one person in your life who can give you that, you are lucky.

Being held isn’t about always the physical ‘hold’, but the deep knowing that you have someone in your life who accepts you as you are. Someone who sees us as the messy, imperfect, fallible humans we are, but loves nonetheless - because they see us authentically. They love all of us; our good, our not so good, our mistakes, our mess, our hurt, anger - all of it - that is pure safety!

That kind of connection is priceless and necessary.

When No One Holds You

When we haven’t been held in this way, we often learn to hold everything ourselves. We become strong, capable, and too independent. But underneath that, there can be a quiet sense of being alone in our experiences.

We might find it hard to open up.

Or to trust that someone can really meet us without judgment. Or even to recognise what emotional safety feels like. None of this is a flaw. It’s a response to a biological need that hasn’t been met over time.

But it also means that learning to receive, to be supported, to feel safe with another, can take time. This is, yet again, a muscle we have to work on if we’ve been starved of ‘safe’ spaces and/or people in our lives.

Emotional Safety & Intimacy

Emotional safety is the foundation of all meaningful connection. Not your day to day, short, school drop off/pick up, stranger in a shop connection but true, deep, authentic connections. Whether it’s in friendship, partnership, or any close relationship, it’s what allows us to be real.

To share more of ourselves. To let the walls come down. Without safety, we protect. We filter. We hold parts back.

When safety is present, intimacy naturally grows.

Not just physical intimacy, but emotional closeness. The kind where you feel seen, understood, and accepted without needing to be perfect.

Offering emotional safety to another human being, in a world full of distraction, is a gift.

Therapeutic Massage

In my work, holding is at the heart of everything I do.

It’s not just about the treatment itself, but the space I create for each woman who comes to me. A space where she can exhale, soften, and not have to be anything other than who she is in that moment. A space where she can talk as much as she needs to, cry, laugh, share, whatever she feels she needs in order to leave feeling lighter than when she walked in.

This is my way of giving back, of supporting women and mothers who spend so much of their lives holding everything and everyone else. When a woman feels seen, heard, and held, she softens, and everyone around her benefits.

It’s the divine feminine in all her glory.

To offer that kind of presence, that sense of emotional and physical safety, feels deeply important to me. But I also know I cannot pour from an empty cup. In order to hold others well, I need to be held too. To have spaces and people in my life where I can soften, where I am supported, and where I don’t have to carry it all alone.

Because holding, in its truest form, is something we all need, not just to give, but to receive.